Night Descends

Tonight

went out in Derby its 2:52, yes I may be a tad tipsy... here it is
as I see it, in my disillusioned state
we may have bumped into a few baddies, I may have crossed paths with my worst nightmare, and yes, he was good he looked for me and looked after me and soon we were gone from the terrible place

but now it begins

first a stutter, then a murmer ... then the unreasonable denies ...

the downward spiral that I can only try to fight and in my midst is the sweetest thing.. in full blown denial about what is happening and I want to fight but how can you fight something that can't be seen or spoken .. . and its gone.. and there it is...

I just wish it could be understood, I've been through worse, but right you meet the one, the real one and you so know it is, but no matter or words can explain and they can't understand, theres a place for you... but its not where it is.. its lost and its unreasonable and I dont know the words or the actions to create a reaction worth more then I can already muster I can only hope my movement will cause disturbance but I also know that I should know better, maybe thats my problem, its 2 months and I DO know better, if only he knew better, if only the words I spoke had matter but to a narcoleptic paramour what words stand for I love you, what stands for I care and not WHAT .. .thats all I get amongst other unspeakables as I know this will be read and more then likely in the wrong context .. but words are worse and sometimes the ones we say in secret are the ones that mean the most

I love you

and Im sorry

and also .. dont be humiliated by this

just see the real ink behind these unmeaningful symbols that somebody foolishly called text..

my emotions are real and



so are we