who also has a damn fine ass
and makes me happier then I've ever been before
teh lovez
Saturday, August 30, 2008
DEATH DEATH DEATH
i think my baby might actually murder me for editing her blog.......but, hey. it was fun!!!!
Pretentious language, and jargon (I have a paper body)
I need censoring
I look back over my words and they bemuse me
Are my thoughts real or am I so pretentious that I write to impress myself? .. today I am unimpressed
I was going to delete the last post, edit and rearrange it but whats the point.. then it'd be fake and there would be no point having this dumb ass blog then.. saves on paper (she said)
(all I'm left with is my ink smeared body because the rain washed all my memories away)
I look back over my words and they bemuse me
Are my thoughts real or am I so pretentious that I write to impress myself? .. today I am unimpressed
I was going to delete the last post, edit and rearrange it but whats the point.. then it'd be fake and there would be no point having this dumb ass blog then.. saves on paper (she said)
(all I'm left with is my ink smeared body because the rain washed all my memories away)
Night Descends
Tonight
went out in Derby its 2:52, yes I may be a tad tipsy... here it is
as I see it, in my disillusioned state
we may have bumped into a few baddies, I may have crossed paths with my worst nightmare, and yes, he was good he looked for me and looked after me and soon we were gone from the terrible place
but now it begins
first a stutter, then a murmer ... then the unreasonable denies ...
the downward spiral that I can only try to fight and in my midst is the sweetest thing.. in full blown denial about what is happening and I want to fight but how can you fight something that can't be seen or spoken .. . and its gone.. and there it is...
I just wish it could be understood, I've been through worse, but right you meet the one, the real one and you so know it is, but no matter or words can explain and they can't understand, theres a place for you... but its not where it is.. its lost and its unreasonable and I dont know the words or the actions to create a reaction worth more then I can already muster I can only hope my movement will cause disturbance but I also know that I should know better, maybe thats my problem, its 2 months and I DO know better, if only he knew better, if only the words I spoke had matter but to a narcoleptic paramour what words stand for I love you, what stands for I care and not WHAT .. .thats all I get amongst other unspeakables as I know this will be read and more then likely in the wrong context .. but words are worse and sometimes the ones we say in secret are the ones that mean the most
I love you
and Im sorry
and also .. dont be humiliated by this
just see the real ink behind these unmeaningful symbols that somebody foolishly called text..
my emotions are real and
so are we
went out in Derby its 2:52, yes I may be a tad tipsy... here it is
as I see it, in my disillusioned state
we may have bumped into a few baddies, I may have crossed paths with my worst nightmare, and yes, he was good he looked for me and looked after me and soon we were gone from the terrible place
but now it begins
first a stutter, then a murmer ... then the unreasonable denies ...
the downward spiral that I can only try to fight and in my midst is the sweetest thing.. in full blown denial about what is happening and I want to fight but how can you fight something that can't be seen or spoken .. . and its gone.. and there it is...
I just wish it could be understood, I've been through worse, but right you meet the one, the real one and you so know it is, but no matter or words can explain and they can't understand, theres a place for you... but its not where it is.. its lost and its unreasonable and I dont know the words or the actions to create a reaction worth more then I can already muster I can only hope my movement will cause disturbance but I also know that I should know better, maybe thats my problem, its 2 months and I DO know better, if only he knew better, if only the words I spoke had matter but to a narcoleptic paramour what words stand for I love you, what stands for I care and not WHAT .. .thats all I get amongst other unspeakables as I know this will be read and more then likely in the wrong context .. but words are worse and sometimes the ones we say in secret are the ones that mean the most
I love you
and Im sorry
and also .. dont be humiliated by this
just see the real ink behind these unmeaningful symbols that somebody foolishly called text..
my emotions are real and
so are we
Friday, August 29, 2008
Bang Bang Bang
I am officially dating the nicest person in the whole world - FACT!
I don't have much else to say, I'm just listening to this track play out.. tunage
Hmm trying to figure out what the hell to buy for someones birthday, I know its far away but... bah... ah man TUUUUUNNNNEE!! Fedde Le Grand - Put Your Hands Up For Detroit I so wish I wasnt sat at my desk right now listening to the radio in secret on my earphones lol its so hard not to jump up and start throwing some crazy shapes hehe
I think the idea of a blog is to post when you have something of substance to say... well I'm sorry, I'm breaking the mould - get over it
I'm also wondering what to have for lunch, I didnt bring any with me but don't have much food in at home to make anything.. I could go for the old favourite Supernoodles!! But I dont know.. I feel fussy.. particular... disconcerted... perturbed... irresolute
My better half is perfect :) I just had one of those moments where your mind goes blank and then you can just think of one person and everything about them shines.. I'm well happy
I don't have much else to say, I'm just listening to this track play out.. tunage
Hmm trying to figure out what the hell to buy for someones birthday, I know its far away but... bah... ah man TUUUUUNNNNEE!! Fedde Le Grand - Put Your Hands Up For Detroit I so wish I wasnt sat at my desk right now listening to the radio in secret on my earphones lol its so hard not to jump up and start throwing some crazy shapes hehe
I think the idea of a blog is to post when you have something of substance to say... well I'm sorry, I'm breaking the mould - get over it
I'm also wondering what to have for lunch, I didnt bring any with me but don't have much food in at home to make anything.. I could go for the old favourite Supernoodles!! But I dont know.. I feel fussy.. particular... disconcerted... perturbed... irresolute
My better half is perfect :) I just had one of those moments where your mind goes blank and then you can just think of one person and everything about them shines.. I'm well happy
Doomsday. . . yew no...
So today is Friday and I was only 20 minutes late today!! I was meant to be working my last day as a document controller today but as my new boss is off on Monday and in London on Tuesday, I have those two days to finish off my work here, which in one way is good as I still have loads and loads to do! But its bad as I really have no motivation anymore! I can't believe I've lasted this job for 2 years, shocking... It might be a bit lame but I'm looking forward to starting my new job and to be doing something that actually challenges me instead of just wearing away my aura, this job is seriously soul destroying!
Another lame work comment - me and my dad said last night that we're both looking forward to going to work again when we go to Cyprus! I really am though, it's totally different out there and when you're working well I just get this sense that everything is finally moving forward its just another step towards moving over there and leaving this rubbish country and all its cons behind!
A sweet thing said to me they're going to look after me this weekend (suffering the worst variety) bless, I couldn't have dreamt of better, I'm really lucky and really happy even if it is wrapped in a vice grip today.. Still I'm looking forward to spending quality time with my heart XX
Gah - Time to get some work done
Another lame work comment - me and my dad said last night that we're both looking forward to going to work again when we go to Cyprus! I really am though, it's totally different out there and when you're working well I just get this sense that everything is finally moving forward its just another step towards moving over there and leaving this rubbish country and all its cons behind!
A sweet thing said to me they're going to look after me this weekend (suffering the worst variety) bless, I couldn't have dreamt of better, I'm really lucky and really happy even if it is wrapped in a vice grip today.. Still I'm looking forward to spending quality time with my heart XX
Gah - Time to get some work done
Thursday, August 28, 2008
A Midday Moment
Just thinking quite a bit that I'm kind of going to miss Daz when I go to Cyprus in a few weeks.. call me sad.. I know I'm only going for a week.. We haven't spent a night apart for the last 2 months
I guess it's just one of them
It gives me this sick feeling
I guess it's just one of them
It gives me this sick feeling
Breaking The Wall
I've done it - I've cracked
I got a BLOG! I've never really been one for keeping diaries but have always scribbled notes and feelings down throughout my life normally when Im depressed or low... Im hoping this doesn't just turn into a big morbid space but we can just see how it pans out
At the moment Im sat at my desk at work, I really REALLY should be working, I start a new job on Monday and I've got a handover meeting with my current boss this afternoon and the whole situation is a mess! Im not ready at all, I keep getting distracted by failblog.org, facebook, ebay, msn and god knows what else, I get to work at 8am (apparently) open IE and the next thing I know its 4pm and I haven't achieved anything...
Dammit
I suppose I should log off this really then
Happy surfing
I got a BLOG! I've never really been one for keeping diaries but have always scribbled notes and feelings down throughout my life normally when Im depressed or low... Im hoping this doesn't just turn into a big morbid space but we can just see how it pans out
At the moment Im sat at my desk at work, I really REALLY should be working, I start a new job on Monday and I've got a handover meeting with my current boss this afternoon and the whole situation is a mess! Im not ready at all, I keep getting distracted by failblog.org, facebook, ebay, msn and god knows what else, I get to work at 8am (apparently) open IE and the next thing I know its 4pm and I haven't achieved anything...
Dammit
I suppose I should log off this really then
Happy surfing
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